What the?

I am confused! As always... I find it hard to concentrate on one thing. I have no goal, no target, no ambition! But I know only one thing. I should live 'happyly'! In this pursuit of happyness, I am torn between doing what I love to do or rather what I want to do at that spur of moment and doing what my parents would approve and throw me a good cash at the end/start of every month! I always wanted to quit the job and wander for a while without any bother about the 'responsibilities!'.


Being pulled by two legs of the 'Y' has never been a new thing for me! I have always been like that! May be, I will always be! Whenever I see a beggar, I want to give him/her a change. But, somewhere it tells me that I should not as they are not really that needy and whatever I donate may not really serve the real purpose(Blame Mathur Bhandarkar!). Trepidity has always been my weakness. I am afraid of failure. Even though how hard I try not to be. I am brought up like that. What to do? I am brought up with the notion that unless I succeed in every attempt I make, I don't deserve a place in the society. Now, what does this society mean to me? Bollocks. Or so I want to think! I want to live with my own ideas and ideals. I don't give a damn about what you think of me! But, at some place in mind and heart, it is a so deep rooted thought that I am to be accepted by my fellow friends! Oh the holy fuck! I can go on and on... By the way... I don't remember why I started to write all this fuck! Get back to what ever you r doing!